Muscles in my thigs have been hurting today and my feet has been aching from my anckle down. I am tired. I am depressed. So far no fever and I keep my fingers crossed that this is just a false alarm. A flare is something I have doubts I can handle right now. Enough is enough and I am positive I have had my share with intrests.

I have to admit, I have been down lately. I feel like I´ve betrayed my kids. I never ever wanted them to be in this situation, having two separates homes. I know it is not entirely my fault but the guilt is just breaking my heart. Or whatever is left of it.

On Monday I will see my back up therapist. I thought I could survive a month without one but no. This is my third or fourth visit. I admit I´ve had some really bad couple of days and I just keep thinking when is this turning around? I don´t think I have deserved all this obstacles in my way. At least I hope so.