I am confused, tired, angry, etc. The list of emotions going through me during the day is endless. Today is Fathers day in Finland. My father has been dead for 10 yrs. I´m in the hospital, feeling more sick than I did when I first got here. Everything is a mess and I´m trying to make sense at least to part of it. So far no luck. Divorce is a word that keeps coming out more and more often. I´m starting to believe there is no alternative. We have grown apart and we are really far from each other. Can´t sleep, can´t eat, too tired to do anything. I have been away from school a week already and my absence continues. At first I was worried about that. Not any more. I´m worried about our children. If we really do get a divorce, it´s going to be tough on them.

Our marriage was not made in heaven. You can´t even find it in a story book where they live happily ever after. Happiness is a feeling I haven´t felt for a long time.