Not exactly sure how his name is spelled but I sure feel like he did. Fighting the windmills that keeps on changing their direction. X keeps acting like a windmill and I have to be really on my toes as I have no idea what he is coming up next. I don´t have a clue how much his new woman is giving him these stupid ideas? All I know is that some of the things I have heard from him, are not from the person I used to know for 18 yrs.

Many people who hear that they don´t have much time to live, do this "to do list". It is a list about things they want to do before they die.  Well, I did my own to do-list. Don´t worry! I am not going to die. At least not yet. Nobody has told me how much time I have left and I don´t care to know. I figured that with my luck I will either die young or the other option is that I will live long after everybody around me has died. I guess Mr. Murphy has something to say about that.

The reason why I did that list is more like to remind me that I still have hopes and dreams to fulfill. All the difficulties hasn´t taken them away. The list might be a little different than I would´ve done a few years ago.

Last week was extremely rough fo me emotionally. X pulled some stunts I´d never ever thought he would do. I was really upset and down. Lucky me, I have a very good support net around me. There is always someone a phone call away.

PM has finally settled down (knocking wood). No more fever. Strength is gone too and I get tired real easily but who cares? I just wish I could get rid off pred and would be able to look like myself again. It´s been over three years.

Next weekend I am going to meet my half brother and his son. I am so excited and looking forward to it. I´m also meeting my other family members and relatives and I think that´s what I really need at the moment. People I can trust. Just hope I don´t burst into tears right away...